July 22, 2024


The Gods Made Home

An Exact Map to My G Spot

Here is an exact map to my G spot, precise directions for its stimulation, and an analysis of the hotly debated topic, “Is the G Spot a UFO type myth?” Human beings can fly spaceships to the end of the Universe, communicate with dead people, walk on water and part the Red Sea, but their scientists have not yet been able to determine whether female ejaculate from G spot stimulation is G Spot fluid or urine. You are about to find out the answer to this burning question.

While the world goes into contortions over the newly elected Hamas Government and the question of whether or not Iran should be allowed to build nuclear bombs, let us concern ourselves with more practical matters. In June of 2005 Iran’s new hard line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the son of a blacksmith, defeated former Eeranian President Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani in a runoff election. Many in the Muslim World are wondering where George Bush Jr. gets off acting like President Ahmadinejad’s mother. Others are wondering how a 6’4″ man who blew up the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and just missed the White House has managed to hide among Munchkins for 5 years evading capture from the most sophisticated military in the history of life on Earth, with the capability of photographing your G spot from mystical satellites orbiting 10,000 miles above you. And still, the debate rages over whether the female ejaculate is urine or G Spot fluid. Perhaps a scientist should taste it. G spot fluid is clear and sweet. It’s Tropicana’s newest Patent Pending flavor.

The G spot is named after the famous German gynecologist Ernest Grafenberg. Joseph Lieberman is named after Joseph in the Holy Bible. Joseph’s bothers dug a hole in the ground and left him there to die. Joseph escaped and then became the Prince of Egypt. He was an excellent dream interpreter and pyramid renovator. When the land of Israel suffered a drought, Joseph’s 12 brothers traveled to Egypt in search of food. They approached Joseph but no one recognized him. They said to Joseph, “Pharaoh, please give us some sustenance so that we may eat.” Joseph replied, “You are not worthy of Graffenburg fluid.”

Here is the map to my G spot. I am laying on my back. You take your middle finger and insert it into the exact center of my vagina. Proceed up the top wall for approximately 2″. At this point your finger will descend into a valley. Keep going and you will leave the valley. Now you know that the valley is there. Now back up into the center of the valley. The exact center of the valley is the G spot. Now you need to know what to do with it.

This part is quite important. My girlfriend Lindsay had an unfortunate experience. Her boyfriend had found this internet site in his mailbox where he learned how to stimulate the G spot. He curled his index finger up and stroked Lindsay’s G spot hard. Two blood transfusions later at the Good Samaritan Hospital Lindsay came out of her coma. If you are not interested in 4 years of embarrassing litigation, when you insert your index finger into your girlfriend’s vagina, instead of curling your middle finger up, arch it backwards and use the under pad of your middle finger to gently caress your girlfriend’s G spot in circular motions, or back and forth, or up and down, as you lick her clitoris, alternating between fingering her rapidly until she experiences her first ever simultaneous vaginal, clitoral, G spot orgasm. You will know that you have hit pay dirt when the walls of her vagina clench your fingers, she ejaculates and she then drives you over to meet her parents.

The ideal length for the male penis is 9 inches, and penis girth is important too. A rock hard penis with titanic penis length and titanic penis girth with great penis stamina are the key to the Kingdom on Earth and in Heaven. According to Doctor Sigmund Freud, the father of psychiatry, men have a subliminal sexual thought every three seconds. If you add in their conscious sexual thoughts that brings it down to every two seconds. If men now begin thinking about the correct way to please a woman then that should bring it down to every second and then they won’t have time to worry about silly cartoons. It should be illegal for a man to run for office, given his complete obsession with sex. Men love cat fights and if every country was run by a woman and the countries began fighting then men would be thinking about sex constantly and they would never have time for war. This is the solution for everlasting World Peace in case the Messiah is delayed on a more worthy planet.

The male penis generally curves upward. God created it this way so that it would stimulate the woman’s G spot during intercourse. Unfortunately in some men the penis curves downwards. This can be corrected by a minor surgical procedure followed by 6 months of physiotherapy. The question arises, given the human biology, why do women prefer doggy style? During doggy style the normal man’s penis is stimulating the back wall instead of the front wall. The answer is that in doggy style the man’s penis is simulating the arched middle finger. It all depends on your position. This is Einstein’s theory of relativity. Whether you are a terrorist or a hero depends upon which side you are on. Are you the attacker or the attackee? Good luck, and may the force be with you, Luke Skywalker.